The truth about Cheating, Cheaters, and Confrontation

The truth that nobody wants to hear – ever.

Lately, it seems that every day I hear more and more about cheaters. Every day more of my friends seem to say those two very dreaded words – he cheated – meanwhile crying countless tears into their wine while surrounded by their friends. What’s going on? Is the world being taken over by people who just refuse to fully commit? Are we all just doomed to end up sad, alone, or heartbroken?

Okay. Breathe. Realistically, the number of cheaters out there is probably not actually increasing (even though it may seem like it at times). Or hell, maybe it is – somebody should really do a study on this and find out for sure (for real). Regardless, there are a few things that every woman needs to understand about cheating.

First of all, if it happens to you, remember that it is not your fault. I mean it. Nobody is forced into infidelity. The next step is often confrontation. Confronting a cheater might be one of the hardest parts of the healing process – there’s no telling what kind of a reaction the person will have upon confrontation. They may deny everything. They may get angry. They may lie. It’s not often that people simply admit to cheating right away. If they do confess at all, they may attempt to justify their cheating with (bullshit) excuses. The excuses are often more like a blame – on you – faulting you of not doing something correctly (lack of attention, lack of intimacy, etc.). So, if this happens to you, breathe and think clearly. Before you throw yourself into a pool of guilt and “OMG was it really my fault?” realizations, remind yourself that you are not Superman. You cannot do everything perfectly 100% of the time. Your significant other should understand that. A stable relationship is made up of two individuals who understand that occasional issues and shortcomings are inevitable. Moral of the story? Nobody forces you to cheat. Period.

Now, if you’re on the other side of the window and you are the one who has cheated, the best thing to do is just accept it. Be honest with yourself and your significant other. Everyone makes mistakes and it is up to you to do the right thing. Approach your partner with the whole hearted truth and hope they forgive you. Do NOT ever try to turn the argument into a competition, and never every say that your cheating could “technically” be justified. It is impossible to justify cheating in the first place, so just apologize and save yourself and your partner the trouble. If you were truly that unhappy in the relationship, you should have just ended it – not commit one of the most selfish acts possible.

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Did technology ruin or improve dating?

The ways of dating have drastically changed throughout the years, but the question still remains – has dating changed for the better? 

Gone are the days of endless romance and throwing rocks at your crush’s window. Nowadays, the closest thing there is to romantically throwing a rock at someone’s window, is “swiping right” on them on Tinder. The popularity of online “dating” has undeniably grown – especially in the past few years. I say “dating” because not everyone on these sites is actually looking to actively date, but instead just looking for a… “fun time”. Regardless of the stereotypes that come along with these sites and apps, it is without doubt that online dating has now almost entirely taken over the traditional dating world. If you haven’t used online “dating” yourself, you probably (more like definitely) know people who have. Granted, in every big movement, there are always “stragglers” who initially resist the movement entirely. In the case of online dating sites, these “stragglers” are people who just simply can’t wrap their minds around how an online-based relationship could possibly work and therefore are against the sites entirely. (Can you blame them? Real life dating is already hard enough!) But as the saying goes – if you can’t beat them, join them. After all, we have to look at the facts. Technology has become a huge part of our lives in the past decade. In a society where you can easily order your food, buy an apartment, re-sell your clothes, and find out everything there is to know about almost anybody, all because of technology and online search engines – is anyone really that surprised that we’ve also started to date online? 

So, what’s the consensus? Weighing both the pros and the cons of online dating sites/apps, the only consensus is that it all depends on the person. If you’re trendy and open enough to the idea, online dating just might work for you. If you’re more of a traditionalist, meeting people the old fashioned way might seem more appealing. Both options can be successful. However, it is important to keep in mind that online dating may take away some of the romance, as well as some of the famously noted “spark” that people look for when first meeting someone. As long as you understand that and are willing to work hard at keeping your online-romance alive, you should be okay. Though I often see myself as more of a traditionalist when it comes to dating – it is important to do whatever works best for you.

Summertime = Healthy Glowing Skin

With summer finally rolling in; tan-lines, bikinis, sun kissed hair, and healthy glowing skin are all crucial parts in the recipe to a great summer. The issue? Wearing makeup or even the wrong moisturizer on hot and humid days can cause for clogged pores and nasty breakouts. Have no fear though, ladies! There IS a solution:

 

1. WASH YOUR FACE

Washing your face every night before bedtime is more important than most people think. Throughout the day, our faces are exposed to thousands of pollutants, chemicals, and dirt. Not to mention, our skin secretes oils that should be washed off for a clean canvas. The biggest culprit though, is makeup. Makeup is great, but not washing it off nightly can cause some short-term AND long-term problems for our skin. Short-term: acne and annoying breakouts. Long-term: dull skin and even wrinkles. If washing your face is not yet a set-in-stone part of your nightly bedtime routine – it’s time to make it one!

2. USE WITCH HAZEL

This stuff is my personal favorite. Witch Hazel is nature’s finest natural cleanser, toner, and astringent. For people who suffer from acne, this could be a great addition to your skincare routine! It can also clear up any daily blotchiness or redness. I love using it nightly after I wash my face and before I moisturize. Just pour some on a clean and sterile cotton pad or cotton ball and gently wipe over your whole face.

3. DO NOT POP PIMPLES (seriously though…)

As tempting as it may be… DO NOT DO IT. Bacteria from your fingers can cause a bigger infection and can lead to even more acne in that area. Not to mention, popping pimples in general is not good for your skin. It can cause skin damage and irritation. Instead, use witch hazel to clean the affected pimple problem area before bedtime. After washing your face and using Witch Hazel on the acne or pimple, try using a mild acne spot treatment on the area to dry it out. If you do not have any spot treatment, try using just a little bit of toothpaste (it will also help the dry the pimple out). 

4. MOISTURIZE YOUR FACE

One of the most important steps to having flawless skin is moisturizing! You should moisturize at least twice a day – morning and night. If you wear make-up, you should cleanse and then moisturize your face before you apply make-up. Then, at night, you should cleanse your face again to remove the make-up and moisturize your whole face again before going to bed. Moisturizing your face can help reduce or even eliminate acne, reduce redness, prevent wrinkles, and reduce puffiness or dark under-eye circles. This might just be the most important step in the whole process!

  • Make sure that you use a high quality moisturizer

 

5. HAVE RADIANT SKIN AND PREVENT WRINKLES ALL AT ONCE

Moisturizing is definitely key here. But what kind of moisturizer should you use?

Generally speaking, if you are not yet in your twenties, then you don’t really need to worry about wrinkles just yet. It is still important to keep your skin healthy though! Just focus on using a high quality moisturizer that is organic and/or natural. Many expensive moisturizers out there are actually harmful to our skin. They can contain chemicals, parabens, sulfates, etc. If you want to find a good moisturizer and are struggling, try an oil (high quality pure oils only!) Pure oils like Jojoba, Pomegranate Seed, Avocado, and even Pure Cocoa Butter are all great choices to keep your skin looking and feeling young. If you are entering your twenties, then it’s a good time to start preventing! (Preventing wrinkles is often easier than removing/erasing them) Using oils is still a great idea, especially at night. But, it is also important to invest in a cream that will really benefit your skin. Look for creams that have the following ingredients: Hyaluronic Acid, Niacinamide, Retinol, and Vitamin E. Try to avoid purchasing creams that contain fragrance, mineral oil, and especially alcohol!

6. BE CAREFUL IN THE SUN

I know, I know. We all love to be sun-kissed, bronzed, and beach ready. But is tanning (especially tanning beds) really worth all the skin damage? NO. Ultraviolet exposure is associated with an increased risk of melanoma. Protect your skin by limiting exposure to the sun, and by wearing sunscreen! If you feel that you really need that deep summer tan, then try a spray tan or a tanning/bronzing lotion! Both work great and fast (and are completely safe). Constantly exposing your skin to the sun can cause problems that go far beyond just wrinkles. 

7. WEAR GOOD QUALITY MAKEUP

If you choose to wear makeup – choose to wear good quality makeup. You don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on makeup, but it is important to pay attention to the ingredients that are in your makeup. Generally speaking, department store makeup is often better than drugstore makeup. This is especially true when it comes to concealers, foundations, and powders (makeup that goes directly on your skin and sits there – not just on your lashes, for example). But, it is more important to compare the ingredients to really understand the difference. Stay away from ingredients like BHA, BHT, coal tar dyes, parabens, siloxanes, polyethylene/PEGs, retinyl palmitate, and hydroquinone. If it sounds scary, it probably is. Instead, stick to natural and organic makeup. This kind of makeup will keep your skin healthy and young for years to come!

EAT HEALTHY

Ever heard the saying “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true. If you eat healthy, your skin will show it. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to permanently cut out sugar and everything else for the rest of your life! The key is moderation and limitation. 🙂 A candy bar every once in a while won’t kill you. In general though, try to eat clean and healthy. Your hair, skin, nails, and body (inside and out) will thank you.

 

OKAY.

GOT IT?

READY… SET… GO BE HEALTHY AND HAVE RADIANT SKIN!

 

With Love, 

Vei

Is the phrase “He’s Just Not That Into You” accurate?

Us girls have all probably heard the phrase “Honey, he’s just not that into you!”. If you haven’t heard the phrase yet, then maybe you’ve been really really lucky… or maybe you just don’t have very honest friends. When a guy keeps blowing you off or refuses to commit to you, odds are, he’s just not that into you (there are exceptions to everything, of course).

There is a certain question that us gals have been asking and pouring over for ages now. We’ve cried over it, yelled over it, fought over it, ate too much ice-cream over it… but have we ever really learned from it? The question at stake – Why is it sometimes SO hard to get a guy to really commit? 

Unfortunately, I haven’t really been able to fully crack that tormenting mystery just yet – but when I do, I’ll make sure to get back to you with a full algorithm and explanation. What I DO know, is that it’s not always easy to see through a person’s bullshit when you really care for him/her. Let’s be honest, we’ve all probably had at least one of those awkward “talks” with our significant other about “labels” and “commitment” and “the future”. Sometimes these “talks” go well, and sometimes they go horribly wrong. Throughout the years, I’ve learned that guys have a few go-to phrases for these “talks”. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. “I was hurt in my last relationship.”

Yes, I understand. We’ve all dated assholes and I’m sorry that you were hurt. But unless you start putting yourself out there and really trusting people again, you’ll never move on and find someone that will treat you right. 

2. “I just recently got out of a long relationship.”

This excuse is difficult because it can be very situational. If the guy was in a 5 year relationship, odds are, he can probably commit. Give him some time, set a soft deadline, and wait a bit. If he doesn’t come around soon, re-asses the relationship and let him be in his own relationship of single-ness.

3. “Everything is so good with us – I’m afraid to mess things up by moving forward.”

This is NOT a good excuse. If everything is “so good”, then why not take the next step? You’re going to mess things up if you choose NOT to take the next step. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase “keep moving forward”? 

4. “I don’t want things to move to the next level… After all, I don’t even deserve you.”

If you really feel that you don’t deserve me, then you wouldn’t be taking up any of my time – at all. You obviously think I don’t deserve YOU, because you’re completely fine with taking up my time whenever you want without making me feel worth it. 

5. “The timing is just not right.”

This is a classic and it’s my favorite because it’s complete crap. “The timing is just not right”. What does that even mean? There is always time for good things in life! Promotions, gifts, celebrations, holidays – is there ever a bad time for those? Obviously I’m not considered a “good” thing to you. 

 

Ladies, all of these excuses are obviously situational, but just remember, a guy who really cares about you won’t need any excuses. He won’t need a timeline or a reason to make you his priority. This is why we all need our best girlfriends to occasionally smack us back to reality and remind us that sometimes – he’s just not that into you.

 

Love,

Vei

 

Should all EXes be EXhiled?

Just when you think your life is going just right… You’ve got the perfect man at your side and things are going great. Boom! An ex from your past decides to “check in” on you, through a phone call, a text, an email, or whatever else the kids use these days. Well, as hard as it may be for most of us gals to admit, a little innocent “check in” from an ex isn’t always so innocent. In fact, that “check in” can set off a long and unpleasant chain of events that could potentially ruin your current relationship.

Bottom line? Exes can be detrimental to current relationships – especially if the new relationship is especially fresh. But why and how can exes ruin new relationships if they are going so well!? Because – us women are always trying to compare and contrast everything – shoes, handbags, the latest sales, and sometimes even men. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, everything in life is relative, so a little compare-and-contrast here and there isn’t so bad. What we need to remember, is that (mostly) everything is fine in moderation, but when moderation goes out the door, bad things start to happen. At first, it’s just a harmless little text from an ex asking you “how are you?”. Let’s be honest, if you’re a female, you’ll probably want to respond with a polite but also “in your face” kind of answer – something about how you’re doing “great” and that you’re “so so happy”. This will most likely encourage your ex to keep the conversation going and ask you even more questions – making you feel “oh-so” important!! Believe me, once you’re roped in, you’re roped in for good. Exes have a magical way of making us believe that they care – and hell, maybe they do! Just remember, they’re an “ex” for a reason. Unfortunately, if an ex is being nice, it is easy to forget that reason and why the two of you broke up in the first place. So, if you woke up this morning with a text from an ex, you get to make the next call. Choose wisely. Are you going to respond and open a door of communication (who knows where that will lead you), or is leaving the past in the past a better option? If you’ve already fought your demons on this and still somehow and someway decided that responding is a good idea (way to go, champ!) then a good rule of thumb is to keep the whole interaction VERY short and minimal. Give the conversation a 5-minute (not 50-minute) window and get the hell out of there. Exes are exes for a reason, especially if you have a great relationship going in the present, why would you ever run the risk of jeopardizing that? The grass is NOT always greener on the other side, ladies.

Welcome. I have zero specific topics… yet everything to discuss with you.

So, this should be pretty simple. What is a blog? A blog is a platform for writing anything about anything, right? I’m new to this. So maybe I’ll be good at it, maybe not! Let’s find out.

So today, I woke up, went to class, and then went to the library to study for the remainder of the day. It’s finals week at my university and graduation is only a year away – so my gpa kinda counts and I should probably be studying. Wow, graduation is in a year – how appetizing does that sound? I can’t wait to get out into the real world and actually starting DOING things. I love college and all… but it all seems like such a small increment in the big scheme of life. There is so much more out there to do and to experience. Finals week brings out the worst in everyone. Everyone is trying to figure out what to do with their lives. Everyone is going through some sort of college-y “mid-life crisis”. But hey, maybe it’s all part of the process! I attend a pretty good school. Most of these kids will end up being really successful. Some will end up being average, but that’s not always a bad thing. Is it? Then again, nobody ever sets out to be average. It just happens sometimes. But then again, why spend four years of your life somewhere only to be labeled as “average”? I would much rather be traveling, exploring, and seeing all there is to see. Education is amazing. Learning is great. I just don’t always like the classrooms and the tests and the busywork that college brings. Other than that, it’s not too bad. I think I’m also just going through that “mid-life crisis” that everyone else is also experiencing. It’s really quite a nuisance. And it’s definitely a distraction from these exams! Ugh. Crisis aside, as of right now, I think I want to go into Marketing – specifically Public Relations. I’ve always enjoyed writing too. That could be a little difficult to turn into a career though. But it would definitely be awesome. Maybe acting? Who knows. I wish a had a million lives to live so that I can be everything. 🙂